Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
