hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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