Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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