Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
