But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
