I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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