fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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