Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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