She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
