It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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