you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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