he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
