Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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