I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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