We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
