Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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