apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
