I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
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Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
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Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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