All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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