he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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