Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
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Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
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I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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