Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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