you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
