he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
