I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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