I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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