Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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