***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Every concussion has its silver lining
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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