I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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