Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
