Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
