Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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