Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
