i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
