This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
