I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
