I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
