i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
