Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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