just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
