It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
