i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
