It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Everything about him screamed your future.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize