i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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