What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
