i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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