Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
