it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
