I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
