i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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