I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
