I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
