ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
