every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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