It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
