if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize