I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the condom got lost in my hair
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
