I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
