Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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