and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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