If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
