so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
