The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
