Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
