So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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