it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
