what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
