Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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