1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
