All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
