mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
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