i think my tv is drunk
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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