I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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