Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
