You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
