Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
