im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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