He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize