Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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